Bedtime Sleep Anxiety

Regular and consistent sleep patterns are an important aspect of your child's mental wellness. During sleep, children's minds process information from daily experiences and stressors. Regular and consistent sleep can lead to greater self-regulation and less likelihood for behavioral issues.

When children are rested, they feel calmer, less anxious, and more in control of their emotions. The steps to creating a successful nighttime routine include consistency, a calm environment, connection, and preparation for potential hiccups. 

Maintaining a Sleep Routine
Create a bedtime routine that includes the essentials but also incorporates calming activities. Bedtime routines optimally begin 1-2 hours before sleep, but it can become more efficient with practice. This window of time prepares your child for rest both emotionally and physically. Tip: You can create a bedtime poster with your child that lists the activities (written or drawn), and discuss why each step in the routine is important for the child’s sleep.

Increase self-efficacy by asking your child how he/she feels after they complete each task. When they begin to understand the importance, it becomes easier for them to manage the sleep routine themselves. For children who become distracted or are overwhelmed easily, following the steps on the chart will keep them organized. Include options and privileges. For example when kindergartner Caroline comes to the end of her bedtime routine, she may choose one of three calming bedtime activities: story time, coloring, or playing with a fidget toy. Watching electronics at bedtime should be avoided as the graphics, colors, movements, and sounds will activate the brain leading to restlessness rather than drifting off to sleep. 

Environment
Create a calm environment at the start of the bedtime routine. Dim the lights or switch from overhead lighting to lamps. Close the blinds or curtains. Turn on calm music, preferably without words. The child’s bed area should be as uncluttered as possible in order to decrease distractions. Include favorite stuffed animals nearby to feel safe.

Select a corner or area of the room in which the child has easy access to calming toys and books. Include comfortable seating. Create physical boundaries by naming what rooms or areas of the house are within or off limits during the bedtime routine. 

Connect
Finish the routine with a short mindfulness or loving-kindness exercise to promote a calm mental state for sleep. Ask your child to list three people he/she is grateful for or list one thing that went surprisingly well today.  Saying a prayer together is also a good option if you are religious.

Consider developing a mantra like “ I feel calm in my body. I feel calm in my mind. I feel calm in my heart.” Whatever the activity, take this time to connect with your child. Caregiver connection enhances co-regulation between parent and child. 

Hiccups
When routines are interrupted, behavior changes are to be expected. Factors like hunger and tiredness can lead to outbursts. Explain to your child that calming activities are not a punishment but an essential element for quality sleep.

​When your child is dysregulated, attune yourself by bringing your body to their level. You can use an even, calm tone and look them in the eyes. If your child is unable to focus on you, consider using gentle touch as redirection. Then you could say something like “I see that you have a lot of energy. It is time to sleep. Let’s take a few minutes to calm down with a quiet activity.” Narrating behavioral issues without shame will make the child feel seen and also help the child recognize behaviors and triggers over time. 

When nightmares and specific fears add to bedtime anxiety, consider various positive strategies. Take your child with you as you check around their room for common fears like monsters, spiders, or snakes. Keep it lighthearted. This will validate the child’s fears and show that their safety is important to you. Reframe fears by asking your child if there is anything interesting or likable about the thing they fear. Name exceptions to fears. Ask your child: “What about you could be scary to the monster?”

​Your local librarian can recommend books about common fears. For example, Seaver the Weaver by Paul Czajak and Verdi by Janell Cannon impart child-like struggles upon a spider (Czajak) and a snake (Cannon). When monsters acquire human-like qualities, children’s fears deflate as children recognize that all things, even monsters, have fears.