Bedtime Anxiety

Regular and consistent sleep patterns are an important aspect of children’s mental wellness. During sleep, children’s minds process information from daily experiences and stressors. Regular and consistent sleep can lead to greater self regulation and less likelihood for behavioral issues resulting from tiredness and sleepiness.

In short, when children are rested, they feel calmer, less anxious, and more in control of their emotions and responses. Restful activities combined with routines are more likely to lead to good sleep hygiene. The steps to creating a successful nighttime routine include consistency, a calm environment, connection, and preparation for potential hiccups. 


Routine
Create a bedtime routine that includes the routine essentials but also incorporates calming activities. Bedtime routines optimally begin 1-2 hours before sleep, but can take less time once the routine is internalized. This window of time prepares the child for rest both emotionally and physically. Create a bedtime poster with your child, list the activities (written or drawn), and discuss why each step in the routine is important for the child’s health and wellness.

Increase self-efficacy by asking your child how he/she feels after they complete each task. For children who become distracted or are overwhelmed easily, following the steps on the chart will keep them on task and organized. Include options and privileges. For example, when kindergartner Caroline completes her bedtime routine, she may choose one of three calming bedtime activities: story time, coloring, or playing with a fidget toy. Watching electronics at bedtime should be avoided as the graphics, colors, movements, and sounds will activate the brain leading to restlessness rather than rest. 


Environment
Create a calm environment at the start of the bedtime routine. Dim the lights or switch from overhead lighting to lamps. Close the blinds or curtains. Turn on calm music. The child’s sleep area should be as uncluttered as possible in order to decrease distractions and anxiety. Include favorite stuffed animals in their bed.

Select a corner or area of the room in which the child has easy access to calming toys and books. Include comfortable seating, whether a floor pillow, rocker, beanbag chair or tent. Create physical boundaries by naming what rooms/areas of the house are within or off limits during the bedtime routine. 


Connect
Finish the routine with a short mindfulness or loving-kindness exercise to promote a calm mental state for sleep. Ask your child to list three people he/she is grateful for or list one thing that went surprisingly well today.  


Recite a mantra: “ I feel calm in my body. I feel calm in my mind. I feel calm in my heart.” Whatever your activity, take this moment to connect with your child. Caregiver connection, even for short periods, enables co-regulation between parent and child. 


Hiccups
When routines are interrupted, behavior changes due to dysregulation can result. Factors like hunger and tiredness can lead to outbursts or hyperactivity. Introduce a calming activity before beginning the bedtime routine. Explain to your child that calming activities, as moments for self regulation, are neither privilege nor punishment, but essential for healthy emotional regulation development.

​When your child is dysregulated, attune yourself by bringing your body to their level, using an even and calm tone, and looking them in the eyes. If your child is unable to focus on you, touch them gently, for example by lightly touching their arms. “I see that you have a lot of energy. It is time to sleep. Let’s take a few minutes to calm down with a quiet activity.” Narrating behavioral issues without shame will make the child feel seen by the caregiver and also help the child recognize behaviors and triggers over time. 


When nightmares and specific fears add to bedtime anxiety, try these strategies. Take your child with you as you check around their room for common fears like monsters, spiders, or snakes. Keep it lighthearted. This will validate the child’s fears and show that their safety and wellbeing are important to you. Reframe fears by asking your child if there is anything interesting or likable about the thing they fear. Name exceptions to fears. Ask your child: “What about you could be scary to the monster?” Your local librarian can recommend books about common fears. For example, Seaver the Weaver by Paul Czajak and Verdi by Janell Cannon impart child-like struggles upon a spider (Czajak) and a snake (Cannon). When monsters acquire human-like qualities, children’s fears deflate as children recognize that all things, even monsters, have fears.